Kidz on the Coast article (May 2015)

147217471-1680x1050Nothing makes you feel old, instantly, than the stark distance between you and your teenager. My natural youthfulness and hipster ways fade immediately with a disgruntled grunt and eye-rolling snarl (or what’s otherwise known as communication efforts sometimes) from teenage son number one.

Sometimes he can’t leave our presence fast enough; that is, when he graces us with his presence at all. Sometimes when he does speak, I am shocked. It’s been a while. Wow, I am surprised by the deep voice coming from a still, thank god, boyish body.

The bedroom is a sacred retreat we are not allowed to enter and the best of his energy and attention is reserved for the PlayStation and his virtual friends.

I was getting worried. Is this normal? Is he normal?

And then the miracle of the April storms happened. Miracle you say? Yes, a number of miracles in fact.

Miracle 1. From the deluge, glimpses of my real son emerged. No power. No phones. No internet. No playstation. Instead there was conversation, board games, and real human contact. There was eye contact! I think I may even have got an unprompted hug, mind you, we were both cold.

Miracle 2. When our power returned before others, more of his teenage friends converged to gather at ours. It was then that I got to witness my son in full animation laughing and engaging in lively activity and mirth with his friends. (Now I really feel old using a word like ‘mirth’!).

I witnessed how he enjoyed being teased by his friends. The usual ‘pricklyness’ was gone and I saw him revelling in their funny jibes and roasts at his quirks. I saw him being quite hilarious too, giving as good as he got. I remember that laugh…it is so lovely. A moment of epiphany….”Oh, I get it now, it is only us who experience the moods”! Phew.

Miracle 3. “Hmm, I thought, he’s actually quite likable!” I felt a softening return between us. He’s just a kid. He’s happy, healthy and well adjusted. He is still my boy. He’s a teenage boy. I know nothing about teenage boys of any use but I do know they are weird, smelly, confounding, and now I know they are hilarious too, and that they need lots of food and sleep.

Miracle 4. I’ve stopped worrying so much. For now, schoolwork, future, jobs and University seem far enough away that I can let him be a teenage boy for a bit longer or at least until he gets hairy legs and grows a bit taller. Given the amount of toast and milo he consumes, that won’t be long!

It was just the reset I needed, and perhaps him as well, to take pause, connect and chill out. It was good to be reminded to take things as they are, not rush him into adulthood or project my adult worries onto him. There’s plenty of time for that later. Much love. Sarah

Sarah Tolmie is a Life & Love celebrant, coach, pastoral carer and consultant assisting people to celebrate, navigate, grow and heal through all their life & love transitions. Her practice focuses on love & relationships, families & children; life success & fulfilment, illness, death & grief. As a Celebrant Sarah create profound and meaningful ceremonies for all life & love events. Sarah is also a Laughter Yoga Practitioner. You can visit her website new.sarahtolmie.com.au and receive her Daily Love updates on her Facebook page at Sarah Tolmie – Life & Love.