Kidz on the Coast –Oct/Nov 2018
Before you read any further I must invite you into a promise that you will NOT share this article with my sons, they will be mortified! J So I share this only with you, dear readers.
Now I know I might be biased but I have to say I have two gorgeous, handsome, kind, smart, hardworking, respectful sons and so it was only a matter of time before they would attract the attention of the opposite sex.
Master 16, son no.2 has a girlfriend. They have just had a milestone anniversary of a whole month.
As mothers of sons we can often get cast into a classic villainous archetype where we can be feared and expected to occupy the stance that “no girl is good enough for my son!” Well not this mum. I am thrilled and delighted. She is lovely and she is bringing out the very best in the young man. I have high hopes she will succeed where we have failed for more than five years and that is inspire him to have a haircut!
It’s a beautiful thing to watch him unfurl and stand tall with even more confidence and manliness. I can see he is happier, brighter and chattier…..that is, when I do get to see him now that even less time is spent at home. But that is a good thing. More time walking the beach and meeting at the park and finding activities to share means less time on screens. Yay!
First love can be a wonderful rite of passage to bloom into and it’s been a tender experience to watch these two lovebirds from the sidelines gush, flush and dissolve into mush. It takes me back to the fond memory of my own first love, the intoxicating, all consuming desire. And then I also remember the painful, world-ending break-ups and then many frogs before I found my prince.
And so it hasn’t been all roses in the background as we have had to revive the ‘parental’ lectures regarding safety, respect, consent and privacy. Approaching ‘coming of age’ milestones has meant negotiating new expectations around commitments to work and school. It has activated new fears about his emotional wellbeing should things get rocky and confusing. “Oh God please don’t let him get a broken heart “is my secret prayerful mantra.
Having a mum as a ‘life & love and relationship coach’ could be both an asset and liability for my son. I’d like to think he’s getting great counsel, advice and modelling, and yes, he is talking to me about things with a keenness to learn and understand – and yet also – he could also feel the pressure to get it right first time, all the time, which is unfair.
Even so, regardless of the fears and unknowns ahead, I am willing to stretch the umbilical further again, leave him to enjoy his own discoveries and continue to nudge him towards the ultimate goal of releasing him out into the world a completely self-contained individual fully resourced to actualise into his new, important and intimate relationships.
Love is a lifelong endeavour; a long and winding road of mistakes, doubts and yes, even regrets sometimes. Relationship skills are a cumulative commodity and need constant evolving. We need to always be humble to learn and understand about ourselves and our partners, we need to be willing to upskill and do better. As mother, I am now learning again, as I evolve into this next parenting paradigm.
As for my son, he has a lot to experience and a lot learn yet, but from what I can see so far, he’s doing me proud as a lovely, attentive, mature and respectful boyfriend.
How lucky she is to be loved by my beautiful boy.
Sarah Tolmie is a Life & Love celebrant, coach, carer and consultant assisting people to celebrate, navigate, grow and heal through all their life & love transitions. Her practice focuses on love & relationships, families & children; life success & fulfilment, illness, death & grief. As a Celebrant Sarah create profound and meaningful ceremonies for all life & love events. You can visit her website www.sarahtolmie.com.au and receive her Daily Love updates on her Facebook page at Sarah Tolmie – Life & Love.